When the Caregivee Becomes the Caregiver

This post is part of our series in honor of ADA Awareness Month.  While on a national level the focus is disability employment awareness, CKP is focusing on artists.

In this raw essay,  Jackie Guttman, a member of the CKP ADA Advisory Board, writes with searing honesty about the change from being taken care of by her husband to becoming his caregiver. I’m grateful to her for daring to speak about the resentment associated with caregiving.

-Teresa Carson, Associate Publisher

By Jackie Guttman

A sentiment I’ve heard a lot from friends – and which I share – is “this is not the life I expected.” One friend did not expect her very sociable husband to develop dementia; one did not expect her always healthy husband to die at 69 of pancreatic cancer; one did not expect her young up-and-coming husband to make bad decisions that left them having to watch their pennies in retirement. One even had her lover of three decades dump her when he became widowed; she was married and he no longer wanted a clandestine girl friend. It’s a loss of equilibrium. For better and worse, people evolve as they mature, inevitably changing the rules of the marital game. The scales tip.

In my own case, my husband was my caregiver by the time I was 30. My rheumatoid arthritis, in addition to affecting my hands, shoulders, knees and other joints, caused enormous fatigue. Howard never complained. He did the laundry; he took us for rides when walking was difficult; he did the bulk of the shopping; he didn’t cook, but neither did he expect me to produce meals. (We sent out a lot.) When necessary, he helped me dress – and still does on occasion. Over the past 25 years he has seen me through four major knee surgeries. All this enabled me to attend graduate school and work, albeit part-time. There was nothing he would not do for me, and to this day he opens bottles, jars, cans, medicine containers and recalcitrant fruit and vegetable packages.

About 20 years ago he was diagnosed with breast cancer. A mastectomy and Tamoxifen took care of it until it returned 11 years later. This time he had surgery, chemo and radiation, all of which left him somewhat damaged. A robust and big guy at 6’3” and 215 pounds, he lost 30 pounds and turned into this bald, skinny, pale-faced man. After both of his surgeries I dealt with his drains, pinning them to his undershirts so they would not pull. I sat with him as he slept through chemotherapy. Together, we laughed at post-op instructions that told him not to shave under his arms or wear an underwire bra. He gained back much of the weight, his color improved and his gorgeous white hair grew back, but since that time he has had more than his share of medical problems. He has had a hip replaced and had three spinal surgeries with extensive rehab. He has severe neuropathy of his hands and feet. Despite having normal cholesterol levels and blood pressure, he had a very mild and initially misdiagnosed stroke two years ago. At 79 he is bent over and walks with a cane or walker at the speed of a slow snail. With a diminished appetite he has lost additional weight and we are struggling to deal with that before frailty sets in. He drives, but far less than he used to. And just today, in another bitter blow, he was given a diagnosis of probable oral cancer – he who never smoked.

I, thanks to superb medical care and luck, have held my own and even improved. In many ways, and despite limitations, I am in better shape than I was 20 years ago. I do not appear ill so I am perceived as my husband’s designated caregiver. I do much of the driving, though my joints regret it if I exceed 90 minutes. When we go to our vacation home, I bring most things to and from the car. I sometimes help him with buttons, a frustrating challenge. Loading and unloading the dishwasher has been his purview for years; now I often do it. Though I’m fairly tall, he always reached the things in high places; now that has become my job, when I can do it, or we have to ask others. I drop him off and park the car, as he used to for me. I pave the way. I advocate. He is still quite strong, but everything takes him so long that I do more than I need to out of sheer impatience. We rented a scooter for him on a recent cruise. It was a godsend for him, but as I trotted alongside it I felt like it was my pace car. Doors on ships are extremely heavy and not always automatic; I became the doorwoman, pulling them open with both hands and slithering around to lean on and hold them.

Though I can and do offer emotional support, I am not a natural nurturer; he is. This is not a role I relish. I see one friend cater to her husband’s dietary needs and another one tenderly feed her husband meals. She also changes his diapers and keeps him clean. I don’t think I could do that. After over 40 years with RA, while I’m grateful that I can do what I do, I admit I resent the caregiving. As I see my husband begin to need more, I find I cannot be his keeper. That sounds heartless even to me, but I know that when I do extra lifting, carrying and driving, it takes me three days of rest and painkillers to recover. I must protect myself. I see my friend drive to Albany and back in one day for her husband’s medical needs; one way would be too much for me.

Our retirement plans included travel but it’s become complicated; we used to take long auto trips with our kids and I’d hoped to do more. Not gonna happen. Flying involves wheelchairs and, again, careful planning. Cruising ditto. We do it, but… this is not the life I expected. Ironically, I thought that I’d be in a wheelchair by now and am grateful that I’m still on my feet, but why-oh-why can’t we both be more able?

We don’t laugh like we used to; there’s too much bad stuff. However, we often tell each other how fortunate we feel, and we really do. We do not have financial problems. We do have each other, for however long. Our minds are intact, mostly. We have our kids and grandchildren. We have love.

Ah, but I do miss the old Howard. My protector is gone.

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ADA Awareness Month: links and resources for artists


The Disabled & D/deaf Writers Caucus
A yearly meeting at the annual AWP Conference & aims to allow for disabled individuals to network and discuss common challenges related to identity, writing, and teaching while professionally leading a literary life.”

Poetry Society of Michigan Outreach Project
The Poetry Society of Michigan has created a program where the members work with individuals or groups who lack a particular ability or who live in an overwhelming situation. The poet offers opportunities to write poems, read poetry, talk about both and discover the impact that doing so has on the person, her/his daily life, and on the member of the Society. It is poignant, profound, and powerful how adding poetry in this way affects the recipient’s each day, perceiving what heretofore has been overlooked, unrealized.

The National Arts and Disability Center
The National Arts and Disability Center (NADC) promotes the full inclusion of audiences and artists with disabilities into all facets of the arts community.

Disability Visibility Project
The Disability Visibility Project (DVP)™ is an online community dedicated to recording,amplifying, and sharing disability stories and culture. The DVP is also a community partnership with StoryCorps, a national oral history organization.

University of Delaware, The National Leadership Consortium on Developmental Disabilities: Recommended books about the disability experience

The Ability Center:  Links and resources 

The Art of Autism
An international collaboration of talented individuals who have come together to display the creative abilities of people on the autism spectrum and others who are neurodivergent.

Alliance for Arts and Health New Jersey
Connects artists and arts professionals and those who provide health and wellness services in order to educate, advocate, and advance best practices in arts and health.

 Articles and News Reports

“A Short History or Disabled Poetry” by Michael Northen
“There is still a long way to go, however, before disability poetry gets the attention that it deserves. While the poets above show the increased tendency of poets with disabilities to view physical disability as a social construction, it should not be thought that the saccharine and paternalistic poems about disability have ceased to be written. Just as the charity and medical models of disability still hold sway in the American mind at large, they also continue in poetry about disability”

PBS Newshour: Meet the Deaf Poets Society, a digital journal for writers with disabilities
“Katz said members of the disability community have struggled to find its place in the literary world, with many writers asking who is afforded space to write in a world that often renders disabled people invisible.”

Poetry Foundation: “Disability and Poetry, an exchange

Disability is dangerous. We represent danger to the normate world, and rightly so. Disabled people live closer to the edge. We are more vulnerable, or perhaps it is that we show our human vulnerability without being able to hide it in the ways that nondisabled people can hide and deny the vulnerability that is an essential part of being human.”

Alliance for Inclusion in the Arts: “Written on the Body: A Conversation about Disability” (transcript)


Wordgathering: A Journal of Disability Poetry and Literature

Deaf Poets Society: An Online Journal of Disability Literature & Art

Breath and Shadow: A Journal of Disability Culture and Literature

Disability Studies Quarterly

Links and Resources

Disability Studies, Temple U.

Portal to the disability blog word

The Barefoot Review: Creative Works about Health

Poetry Out Loud: Accessibility for all students

Disability Social History Project: Resources from the web

National Endowment for the Arts: Accessibility Resources

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CavanKerry and The Poetry Society of Michigan

This post is part of our series in honor of ADA Awareness Month.  While on a national level the focus is disability employment awareness, CKP is focusing on artists.


Jack Ridl, Honorary Chancellor of the Michigan Poetry Society (MPS) and a member of the CKP ADA Advisory Board, describes the MPS’ outreach program in which the members work with individuals or groups who lack a particular ability or who live in an overwhelming situation. CKP collaborates on this program by donating books.

The Poetry Society of Michigan has created a program in which the members work with individuals or groups who lack a particular ability or who live in an overwhelming situation. The poet offers opportunities to write poems, read poetry, talk about both and discover the impact that doing so has on the person, her/his daily life, and on the member of the Society. It is poignant, profound, and powerful how adding poetry in this way affects the recipients each day, perceiving what heretofore has been overlooked, unrealized.

CavanKerry Press has enabled this program to have what it could not possibly afford–access to CKP’s astonishing works, books that matter and connect with those taking part in the program. Someone with Multiple Sclerosis, for example, can ask for Body of Diminishing Motion, Joan Sidney’s important work. You can imagine what it means to discover that there really is someone out there who has, through her exquisite art, offered what it is REALLY like to live with this malady. Imagine what it means to be so deeply understood, to feel less alone, to receive the permission to create out of his/her actual difficult world. Imagine the member of the society coming to know this world from the inside, to know how care is transformed into caring empathy, how difference is erased by shared understanding.

Yes, this program is another where who is helping whom is mutual, where a soulful kind of healing transpires through the loving generosity of the intelligently caring talent in The Poetry Society of Michigan and of the great good heart that is CavanKerry Press.

CKP’s commitment to making poetry accessible to everyone isn’t just words in a mission statement—as evidenced by the letter from Jennifer Clark, a member of the Michigan Poetry Society who participates in its outreach program.

“Thanks for sharing these treasures. Thank you many times over.” These words are is just some of the lovely comments that have come my way since distributing the beautiful books you selected and sent my way as part of the outreach project between CavanKerry Press and the Poetry Society of Michigan.

Since then, I have received a dozen emails from the older woman who organized an opportunity for me to read and discuss poetry. In one, she wrote, “I have no background in basketball other than a gym class a hundred years ago, but Jack Ridl has caught me in Losing Season.  It is fun to read and I keep going back for more.” She is finishing Walking with Ruskin and loves the faith and nature themes. When she finishes it, she’ll share it with her granddaughter and daughter and then, as she’s done with Losing Season, donate to the library of her retirement center so more people can enjoy the book. Also, in a few weeks I’ll be taking up her invitation to have lunch at her retirement home and meet/discuss poetry with her and her 96 year old friend (to whom she lent Losing Season and “she loved it!”).

I’m sorry if this rambles on but thought CavanKerry Press ought to know how the books you send out through this outreach project take on a life of their own. Here in Kalamazoo, you are rekindling love for poetry, creating new friendships, helping people feel less isolated, and, in my case, carving out precious space in a crowded, noisy world.

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News and Events: Week of October 11


Kevin Carey, Newton Free Library (Newton, MA)
Monday, October 11th at 7pm
Kevin will be reading from Jesus Was A Homeboy

 Sandra Castillo, Black Dog on the Square (567 Industrial Drive, Tallahassee, FL)
Thursday, October 13th at 7pm
Sandra will be reading from  Eating Moors and Christians

Joan Seliger Sidney, Mystic Museum of Art (9 Water Street,  Mystic, CT)
Friday, October 14th at 7:30pm
Joan will be the opening voice for Marilyn Hacker’s Arts Cafe reading

Margo Taft Stever and Richard Jeffrey Newman, The 2016 Western Maryland Independent Literary Festival  (Frostburg State University)
Saturday, October 15th and 11am in the Library Mtg. Room
Margo and Richard will join Susana H. Case, Ellen Kombiyil for the panel After Violence: The Poetics of Trauma and Resistance: 

The panel investigates the role of factual accuracy in poetry and poetics—why poets choose to invent or alter facts and the difficulty in portraying traumatic memory. To call something real suggests that it is so in relation to ourselves, but there are multiple realities to daily life and its events, accuracy a form of negotiated reality. What if research reveals conflicting truths? What is the cost of invention to the poem and to the poet? How do the psychological and physiological workings of memory and post-traumatic growth affect the act of writing? How does the influence of the world outside the writer, its politics, memes, and rewarded behaviors, hinder or enrich the truth as it is conveyed in poetry? 

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This October: ADA Awareness Month


Welcome to CavanKerry Press’s third annual “October is Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) Awareness Month.” Throughout the month we’ll be posting new essays by members of the CKP ADA Advisory Board, re-posting “greatest hits” from previous years, and providing useful links to ADA resources (e.g. journals that publish disability-related creative writing; advocacy groups; interesting articles).

If you have any comments or disability-related resources that you’d like to tell us about then email Teresa Carson at Teresa@cavankerrypress.org. We look forward to hearing from you!



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News and Events: Week of October 3rd


Jack Ridl, The Lost Lake Writers Retreat (Alpena, MI)
October 6-9
Jack will be joining Dorianne Laux, Kelly Forden, and Irina Reyn at The Lost Lake Writers Retreat 

Shira Dentz, The Seligmann Center (Chester, NY)
Sunday October 9th at 2pm
Shira will be a featured reader 


Sarah Sousa launched a mini lit mag which is delivered via the Tinyletter platform to subscribers’ inboxes every Wednesday. Subscription is free.
To subscribe: https://tinyletter.com/QueenofCups
Submission info: https://sarahasousa.com/queen-of-cups/


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Nin Andrews interviews Donald Platt


I was so moved by this collection (Tornadoesque), I needed a box of tissue beside me just to read it. Whatever you are writing about—whether it is your daughter’s bipolar episode, your father’s Alzheimer’s, or your bisexuality, you transform your subject matter into such lyrical beauty. I know it’s silly to ask, but, how do you do it?

We have a running joke in our family—my wife Dana Roeser, also a poet, takes great pleasure in reminding me, sometimes on a daily basis, that I’m a beauty slut.  Oddly, I don’t think of my poems as particularly lyric or beautiful.  If they have any strength, I would like to think it lies in seizing a particular situation, image, emotion, thought, or narrative and making it as “super real” as possible.  Like many poets, I’m never sure what a poem is really about when I start writing.  It usually begins with an urgent phrase or image that with a lot of luck will accumulate other resonant statements or images.  For me one of the primary poetic “virtues,” if you will, is precision.  I’d like my poems to spring from particular things that can be seen and felt.  In “Epilogue,” one of his late poems, Robert Lowell, largely overlooked now, spoke of “the grace of accuracy.”  I’m a fan of that phrase.

Sometimes, while reading Tornadoesque, I felt as if I were in the midst of an emotional tornado.  I thought of Wordsworth’s line—writing is emotion recollected in tranquility, and I wondered if you were one of those rare poets who can write in the middle of the storm. Or did you compose these poems after the fact?

I’m so glad that you bring up Wordsworth and “emotion recollected in tranquility.”  I’m constantly bemused by his advice.  Often, though not always, I find myself writing poems “in the storm,” as you say.  If one is drawn to write about highly emotional subjects, as I am, then I think that one of the best ways is to write in the throes of that emotion.  My metaphor would be Odysseus commanding his crew to bind him to the mast and then taking the beeswax (yes, I know I’m changing Homer’s narrative) out of his ears to hear the song of the sirens.  Like the mast, poetry is a “mainstay” for me.  That said, some of my poems begun in the tornado are finished in relative tranquility.

Every poem in this book is powerful, but the poem about your daughter’s mental breakdown, “Litany on 1st Avenue for My Daughter” is just breath-taking. I wonder if you could post an excerpt here and talk about the process of composing that poem?

“Litany . . .” is also one of my favorite pieces in the book.  It’s written in prose because I did not want “to poeticize” mental illness in any way.  It was composed on the spot in New York City and shortly after our older daughter’s first (and, so far, only) bipolar episode.  I would walk from her small fifth-floor apartment on Tompkins Square Park in the East Village, which she shared with two roommates and where I was staying while she was hospitalized, twenty-five blocks north to the Langone Medical Center on 1st Avenue.  So I got to know the intervening neighborhoods and was struck by the contrast between the vibrancy, even flamboyance, of the street life and Eleanor’s situation on a locked psych ward.  I wrote the piece longhand (my usual practice) in a few days, didn’t know what to do with it, kept it in rough draft, and didn’t even bother typing it on my computer.  I thought that it might be the first section of a much longer poem, but I never went back to it.  Finally, after a year, I pulled the rough draft out again, started messing around with it, and realized what was painfully obvious, that it recorded accurately all the emotions of that moment and didn’t need to be “filled out” in any way.

To give you some of the poem’s texture, let me quote a very narrative riff from the middle of  “Litany . . .”:

Ambulance sirens screech their way along 1st Avenue through thickening traffic toward 
	Bellevue’s ER

Pedestrians put their forefingers in their ears

I refuse to muffle, O my deafened daughter, your pain or my grief. Let the 120-decibel
sirens puncture my eardrums for all I care

Two nights ago the ambulance carried you, O my beautiful babbling daughter, to Bellevue
where I checked you in “for psychiatric evaluation” and a one-night stay

We waited in the waiting room next to three men handcuffed to their chairs. One was a 
	250-pound black man, named improbably John Smith, in a green and white Celtics 
	sweatshirt with satin shamrocks, who would occasionally pull out of his jeans’ pocket 
	a small green Bible and start reading the Psalms aloud. He needed Zoloft and an 
	antipsychotic. Juan, a scrawny Puerto Rican, grew increasingly agitated, both legs 
	bouncing uncontrollably up and down, as he waited for the nurse to give him his 
	methadone. Red-headed Kevin, in his early twenties, wore a retro black leather 
	jacket, white T-shirt, jeans, and Converse sneakers. He had been brought in to pick 
	up his lithium. Each of the three had just been arrested and was accompanied by his 
	own police officer. John Smith had a young black cop, equally huge, with a 
	bulletproof vest. Juan had a Latino cop, and they were constantly talking back and 
	forth in Spanish like the best of friends. Kevin’s escort was a red-faced, jovial, Irish 
	cop with blue eyes and hair red as Kevin’s. He was worried about getting all the 
	paperwork filled out correctly

You had greeted each handcuffed man in turn like a long-lost brother and introduced 
	yourself, “Hi, I’m Eleanor!” All three perked up

You were wearing your yellow harem pants, a vest of black rabbit skin given to you by a girl-
	friend from Paris, and a long purple silk scarf coiled artfully around your thin neck 
	like a pet python

After fifteen minutes, you looked around the waiting room and announced, “My hands are
so cold. I need a doctor to check them. Dad, feel how cold they are”

I held both your hands in mine, and indeed your fingers were bony icicles

You snatched them away and put your palms on top of the black cop’s close-shaven head as 
	if to warm them

“Hey, whadja think you’re doing? Get your hands off me!” he exclaimed, then turned to me. 
“You got to control your daughter”

I gave him a long angry stare

“Don’t give me no honky look”

I said nothing, kept staring

“Don’t mess with me, white man”

The Latino cop and the Irish cop stepped quietly between us

Kevin, disappointed that a fight wasn’t about to break out, said, “I got picked up for four 
	separate misdemeanors at four different bars last night. That’s got to be some kind 
	of record”

The Irish cop smiled back at him amiably, “It sure is, son”

John Smith muttered from his good book, “O remember not against us former iniquities: let 
	thy tender mercies speedily prevent us: for we are brought very low”


I also love the title poem, “Tornadoesque.” Did you know, the minute your daughter came up with that word, that that would be the title of this book?

Nope.  I did think immediately, though, that our younger daughter Lucy’s coined word should be the start of a poem.  It often takes quite a while (years, I’m afraid) for me to discover the right title for a book.  Just to return to “process” for a moment, the poem “Tornadoesque” was composed nine months after our older daughter’s bipolor episode.  However, I worked from notes that I had jotted down at the time, and I acknowledge within the poem my distance from the traumatic events.

And the poem, “Snow’s Signature,” was a perfect poem about Emily Dickinson. Like so many of the poems, I wanted to savor it and read it again and again. I imagine each poem was rewritten many times?

I tend to do quite a bit of revision on most of my poems.  Occasionally, however, as with “Snow’s Signature,” a poem will come out almost whole.  All I’ll have to do is jiggle it here and there, polish it: lapidary work.  Usually the longer I take to write a poem, the better it turns out.  It will accumulate depth and resonance over time.  So I quite happily work on just a few lines every day.

There is such openness in your poetry, such candor, as you discuss your bisexuality and longing for a male lover, your relationships to your wife and daughters, and your daughter’s mental illness. Do you ever hesitate before writing about deeply personal subjects?

Yes, there is much hesitation.  But perhaps misguidedly, I use urgency as a litmus test to decide whether I should write about something.  For instance, I felt that I had no choice but to write the poems about my bisexuality, even though it remains a painful subject for my wife, whom I love deeply.  However, I think that not to write the poems or to write about my bisexuality in a more coded way would have been dishonest.  I was compelled.  As the poems indicate, I remain torn, divided by my sexuality.  But the writing was a process of discovering a deep truth about my sexuality and has certainly led me to an acceptance of it.  Bisexuality is not in any way sanctioned by society, as heterosexuality and, increasingly, homosexuality are.  In 2005, The New York Times reported that male bisexuality did not exist.  In 2014, it recanted its stand and opined that it did exist.  Such attitudes are potentially very damaging for bisexuals because they deny the validity of their experience.  It’s important to me, in my own odd way, to speak out and give witness to my experience of bisexuality.

Tell me about the evolution of this book. How and when it began? And how did it take shape?

PlattCover_final_sizeDONALD PLATT

As they say, that’s a long story.  The oldest poems in the book go back twelve years to 2004, when I started writing the bisexual poems.  As I see it, four distinct thematic strands intertwine throughout Tornadoesque.  They are 1) bisexuality, 2) my daughter’s bipolar condition, 3) wars (World War I and the recent Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts), and 4) a growing awareness of mortality.  In early drafts of the book, I had divided these materials into their own sections, a strategy which was completely wrong-headed and led to a very static effect.  Finally, after several years, I realized that it would be much more dynamic to braid these strands together and let images from one thematic grouping speak to, and echo, those in another.  I think this approach works well and that the title sums up the swirling, unpredictable “order” of the book.  I’m particularly proud that the last poem, “Inland in Eden on the Indiana Dunes with Nuclear Reactor,” manages to weave all the themes of the book together.  I didn’t intend it that way; it just happened.  The book was first called Chartres in the Dark, after the second poem in the collection.  Then its title became Tomorrow Leaf, after a later poem.  Finally, I settled on Tornadoesque.

In most of your poems, you alternate long and short lines, and I read that this is your trademark style. Can you talk about this style? How it developed? Why do you like it?

These long and short lines have always seemed to me to enable both narrative expansion and lyric contraction within one stanza.  I can both tell an anecdote and isolate an image easily.  Partly, of course, I like the “look” of the stanza on the page, so there’s an aspect that appeals to a visual, even painterly, aesthetic. The stanza has “shapeliness,” if you will. But, even though it’s a free verse structure, I’m counting beats, six to eight stresses usually in the longer lines, one to three in the shorter lines. I should say that some readers find the line breaks completely arbitrary and “private.”

The first poem that I wrote in this “shape” was called “Untitled.” It appears in my first book, Fresh Peaches, Fireworks, & Guns, and describes, among other things, the motion of surf against a shoreline. The ocean’s repetitive “in and out” rhythms seemed to suggest this form. However, more importantly, I was reading closely C.K. Williams’s poems in Tar at the time and liked the way that his long lines had to be printed with short, indented run-overs because they wouldn’t fit the usual trim size of poetry books. Those short “lines,” which weren’t technically lines, had for me great energy juxtaposed with the longer lines. I thought I’d try writing lines with run-overs “on purpose.” I looked at the result, one large paragraph with zigzagging margins, liked it, but also found it too “heavy” and “blocky.” Then I thought I should try dividing the “block” into shorter stanzas, to “aerate” it. Couplets seemed dull. I still remember the thrill when I marked off tercets with a ruler and saw how that reversing form took over: long, short, long; then short, long, short.  In The Anxiety of Influence (a much maligned book at present, I think), Bloom speaks of “creative misprision,” a generative misreading of an older poet by a younger one. I hadn’t yet read Bloom, but it seems in retrospect that my form came directly out of such a “creative misprision.”

This is your fifth book. How has your experience of being a poet changed over the years?

Perhaps you know Carl Jung’s mapping of personality traits onto the compass rose?  He says that (in addition to being either introverts or extroverts) we all begin our lives in different quadrants: north is intellect, east intuition, south emotion, and west the factual world.  Jung thinks that we must travel in our “life journey” from our given quadrant toward its opposite.  The intellectual person must become comfortable with emotion; the intuitive type should connect with the factual world, and vice versa. Metaphorically, I like to apply these personality categories to poetry: north is concerned with poetic structure, east with metaphor, south with sonics, and west with image.  As a poet, I started in the south, in emotion, in my overwhelming infatuation with the sounds of words.  I then moved west, through fact and image, towards intellect and the discovery of poetic structure as the great enabler of the poem’s voice.  I’d love it if I could, within my poems, keep going round the compass rose all the way to the east, to intuition, to better grasp and express the irrational connections that make dynamic metaphor.  As one gets older, one’s poetry can expand to include all the characteristics of the different quadrants.  This may all sound rather abstract, eccentric, and conceptual, but I think it indicates my trajectory as a writer.

On a more practical level, I find as I get older that I care less about the reception of my poems and am willing to take greater risks with what I write.  Tornadoesque is a good example of this willingness.  I also am paradoxically committed to writing shorter, more compressed poems and, simultaneously, longer hybrid poems (up to forty pages), which are hard to place, apart from in a book-length manuscript.

Who are your gods and goddesses? Your mentors and influences?

My mother, who died two years ago at the age of ninety-six, was an amateur watercolor painter with a committed painting practice.  More and more, I think I take artistic cues from her.  She was always experimenting and pushing herself so that her style, recognizably her own, kept changing and developing.

In my early twenties, I started professional life as a cook.  My mentor, Hiroshi Hayashi, who ran The Seventh Inn (a well-known, natural foods/macrobiotic restaurant in Boston’s now gentrified “combat zone,” whose clientele included strippers and the Celtics players who wanted to become better acquainted with the strippers), showed me artistic practice in another medium.  I remember him cutting thin, almost transparent slices of tuna sashimi and arranging them into a huge peony on a white platter.  Once, for a catering event, he baked a six-foot cod twisting as if swimming, the curves of its body held in place by heat-resistant twine.  When it emerged from the pizza-style oven, he displayed it on a long metal dish garnished with all sorts of pickled vegetables.  It looked as if it were weaving through colorful seaweed.

As for poets . . . Emily Dickinson (the star of “Snow’s Signature”), Elizabeth Bishop, George Oppen, Jimmy Schuyler, and W.H. Auden are some of the poets to whom I keep returning.  I was lucky enough to study with poets Madeline DeFrees, Jim Tate, Greg Orr, Charles Wright, Larry Levis, and Mark Strand.  I remain indebted, in different ways, to all six.

I’d love to hear you talk about your writing and editing process. What do you love/hate most about writing?

I love it when writing becomes a deep form of meditation in which one can lose one’s usual worried self and gain a deeper, calmer self (sorry to go all “new age” on you).  I hate it when I realize that what I’ve been writing on a given day or over a certain week, month, or even year is utter bullshit and is best thrown away.  Once I spent a whole summer writing about (of all things) the “home improvement” projects on which my wife and I had embarked.  Stuff like laying stones for a patio, planting trees and perennials.  All of this writing was unalleviatedly terrible and had to be trashed.  Writing and revision never cease to be hard.  My favorite quote on the subject is from Frank O’Connor: “You can’t revise nothing.”

I would love to close with another poem or an excerpt of your choice.

How about the first poem of Tornadoesque?  Here it is:


Nine o’clock rush, and I’m standing in the long checkout line with a DVD
		entitled The Perfect Man,
which my nearly twelve-year-old daughter wants us to watch,

		when through the electronic sensor
there walks a man so handsome that this whole shop of dreams has to readjust.
		The women all take a deeper

breath as if on cue, throw their shoulders back, and turn ever
		so slightly to keep him
in their peripheral vision. Nothing has happened, everything has.

		He’s completely,
genuinely, charmingly unaware of the stir he’s caused.
		He has wide blue eyes,

brown hair, sideburns. His face is flushed from the cold outside. He wears
		a loose gray T-shirt
that cannot hide, as the bodybuilders like to say, how “ripped”

		his torso is, biceps
that bulge like a boa constrictor after swallowing a white rat.
		On his veined, tanned forearm

a blue, tattooed Celtic knot uncurls. I want to run my dry tongue
		over that maze of lines
cut into his flesh, then stained with indigo inks. But he’s obviously

wholesomely Midwestern, and high-fives some friends standing in line.
		They have other plans

for the night. I taste my own loneliness, a wedge of lemon squeezed
		into a tall shining wineglass
of ice water. Drink it all down, I tell myself. Crack

		the ice cubes between
your teeth. I’ve never slept with a man. My wife says that she’ll leave me if
		I do. I understand 

her point of view. I do, I do. I look around this store
		that rents out stories.
Which one is mine? Where is the bisexual who has decided

		to stay in his marriage?
In Little Miss Sunshine, the faggot slits his wrists offscreen in the first scene,
		then has to live, wear gauze bandages

like a tennis player’s elastic wristbands for the rest of the film.
		We laugh. In Broke-
back Mountain, the two young cowboys make love in the open in full view

		of the desolate, panoramic
Rockies. They go back to town, get married, have kids, and cannot leave
		their wives or girlfriends

though they live for their “fishing trips” in the mountains together. They writhe
		on baited hooks.
One lover gets his head bashed in with a tire iron

		by a homophobe
on a west Texas roadside. We cry. Drama. Comedy. Thalia and Melpomene’s 
		two masks. There must

be other scripts. How do I write this life? All I have is
		my mechanical
pencil, crossing one word out, tracing another onto an empty

		page. This is Indiana,
America’s “heartland,” a family video store. No man holds hands
		here with another

man on the street. Someone has written in pink spray paint
on the sidewalk in front of my gay friends’ house. They scrubbed

		it off with turpentine.
Ghosts of those pink letters still remain. My tongue cannot unknot
		the knot on the young man’s forearm.
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News and Events: Week of September 26th


Wanda S. Praisner
, Mercer County Community College, Student Center room 104 (1200 Old Trenton Road, West Windsor, NJ)
Thursday, September 29th, reception at 6:30pm/reading at 7pm
Launch Reading of The Kelsey Review

Sarah Bracey White, Scarborough Presbyterian Church (Scarborough, NY)
Saturday, October 1st at 6 pm
There will be a Primary Lessons exhibit at the Baker/Collyer annual Christmas fundraiser “Art, Literature and Music of the Hudson Valley”


BOA Editions announced that Christian Barter’s forthcoming book, Bye-bye Land, has won the Isabella Gardner Award; it will be published by them in 2017.

Shira Dentz’s “blue [belewe] moon” appears in the new poetry & prose anthology,
The Careless Embrace of the Boneshaker 

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Mom Egg Review on “The Baby Book”



“The combination of narrative overall story and flexible form makes this an important book for all poetry readers.”

Read the full review at Mom Egg Review

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News and Events: Week of September 19th


Sarah Bracey White, Scarsdale Women’s Club (Scarsdale, NY)
Thursday, September 22nd at 2 pm.
Sarah will be reading from Primary Lessons

Kevin Carey, Annie’s Book Stop of Worcester (65 James St, Worchester MA)
Friday, September 23rd at 7:00PM
Kevin is reading with Jennifer  Martelli as part of Worchester Storytellers

Sandra Castillo, Books & Books (265 Aragon Ave, Coral Gables, FL)
Friday, September 23rd at 8pm
Sandra is reading from Eating Moors and Christians


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